Being a Teacher Is Weird, pt. 2

So...there I was. Teaching "The Rape of the Lock." We were talking about Belinda's guardian spirit and how he protects her from a variety of terrible disasters: losing her chastity, breaking teacups, staining her honor, staining her dress, etc. I was trying to emphasize how ridiculous these comparisons are, comparing serious moral trespasses to social faux pas like spilling food on yourself. I said something like, "I mean, it would be nice to have a guardian angel to make sure I don't drip ketchup down my shirt. I am a giant..." Wait for it. Wait for it...I was saying "slob" and changed to "klutz" because I thought it sounded better? What came out of my mouth? "I'm a giant slutz." That's right. I told my students that I'm a giant slut. What the hell? I did try to explain (between my devastating blushes) what I meant and how this slip of the tongue occurred, but I am sure all they will remember FROM THE WHOLE SEMESTER is that their teacher called herself a slut.

And then I told Dallas. He has already turned "giant slut" into my new pet name. I hate everything.