Parenting, Part 1: Discipline

Let me give you a piece of context for this post. I was doing some schoolwork outside of Starbucks this afternoon, and these children--oh my Lord, these children!--started yelling "War Eagle!" at every single passer-by. I ignored them as much as possible, but after an hour of this, I just had to look at the group. There were eight 10-13 year olds with five parents. PARENTS! Letting their children yell at strangers! It's unacceptable regardless of word choice, but the Auburnness of their chosen mantra only made it worse. It's just bad decision-making. I promise you that if those children were adults (as the parents with them were!) they would have been confronted by one of the many accosted Tuscaloosans. And it goes both ways. Let me go to Auburn's busiest mall on a Sunday afternoon and yell "Roll Tide." I'd deserve whatever beating I got.

So there I was, contemplating the difference between acceptable adult behavior and what we allow our children to do. I looked down at my stomach and used my xray vision to communicate to Dresden (oh! it's a boy if you missed it!) just how reprehensible I found this behavior, lest he think that my silence on the subject meant I condoned any of this. I didn't get so much as an understanding little squiggle of acknowledgment, but I know he'll get the memo before too long. I wondered, too, about how these parents are teaching their children about social behavior, respect, and decorum. Maybe it's the dilettante anthropologist in me, but I am very much of the mind that we educate and discipline our children as a means of enculturation. If I raise this child and he is incapable of participating in human society, I have failed. Or, in evolutionary terms, if I raise this child and he doesn't learn how to sense and evade any unnecessary danger, I have failed. I'm all for teaching my child that bucking the system, fighting "The Man," and taking a stand are all noble and historically necessary decisions (aren't I going to be a great mom? ha.), but I'd also like to teach him how to choose his battles. If my babe is going down in a blaze of civil disobedience, I hope it's not about something as trivial as football. Being an activist is one thing; being an ass is another.

Here's my point. Dallas and I will be spankers. That's right. I know it's unpopular these days, and I do understand the objections against physical disciplinary actions, but we both believe that this method will be more effective for us than "gentle discipline." Using logical consequences of bad behavior is smart and naturally preferable, but sometimes...the logical consequence in real world terms is getting your butt whipped. Take hate speech for example. (I'm not suggesting that there's a connection between War Eagle-ing strangers and hate speech. That's just absurd.) I don't think a child can understand why hate speech is wrong. Hell, recent events suggest that my students don't even understand why hate speech is wrong. How am I to illustrate how painful language can be? Would I ask Dresden, "How would you feel if I said you were stupid and ugly?" No. Absolutely not. If he is anything like me, he would internalize that and think I was actually calling him those things. He'd hate himself for years, resent me, and eventually tell his therapist about how his mother never thought he was good enough. I hope I'll never have to deal with this particular issue, but I promise if I ever hear Dresden use such language, I'll attempt to explain why the behavior is wrong and give him one warning. If he does it again, I will spank him. And if he does it again, I'll have Dallas spank him. It's as simple as that.

Let me make one thing clear. I have nothing against parents who choose not to use these measures and I do believe gentle discipline can be effective. There are few parenting choices that I believe are really and truly wrong. This is not one of them. Parenting, like so many other things, is personal, and I do not presume to question other people's methods.

Unless their children are screaming "War Eagle" in the middle of Tuscaloosa. Then I think they're sanctioning their children's irresponsible, obnoxious, and socially deviant behavior, which is anthropologically inadvisable.

Edited because my husband says I have to add his two cents on these posts: "Parents who don't beat their children are pussies." There.