Monday, December 17, 2012

my thoughts, my fears

Everyone is talking about the Newtown shootings, and I feel conspicuously silent on the subject. You all know my political leanings, and it seems strange to me (if no one else) that I'm not posting "Hey! gun control!" or "Hey! More attention for the mentally ill!" The truth is, I just can't deal with what has happened. I can't think about it. I can't.

I drop off my son at daycare every day. I leave him with people I trust to take care of him and protect him, and I usually don't worry about him because I know he's safe. But now a small part of me can't help but think of all of those parents who kissed their kids goodbye, not knowing they were kissing them goodbye for the last time. And I can't function. I can't breathe. I can't.

The truth is, I was disappointed when I heard the shooter had killed himself because, no bullshit, I think that monster deserved to have his still-beating heart ripped out of his chest. And if it were possible, I wish it could have been done to him again and again and again. Twenty-seven times. I don't care if he was mentally ill. I don't care where he got the gun. I want this to never happen again, so I understand how important these debates are, but please: don't try to excuse this man. Don't say "He was mentally ill. He needed more help than he got." Don't say "This was a cry for help." Don't say "He shouldn't have had access to a gun." If it had been my son...I just can't.  It's too painful.

I take a little bit of comfort in the thought that this man's in hell now. Here's hoping its a hell so horrible Dante couldn't even imagine it.

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