The heat: Everyone told me that I'd be miserable this summer, and I mostly shrugged it off. I'm as accustomed to Alabama summers as one can get, and I assumed it would be the same as normal. "Hot, yes. Miserable? Eh. We'll see." Well, I SEE, thanks. It is truly hotter when you're pregnant. For real. I thought that maybe I would be the normal level of hot plus other kinds of uncomfortable and it would just seem worse, but I am now convinced that I am actually hotter than I usually am. (No jokes. You know what I mean.) I have completely given up on pants. Dresses and skirts ventilate better.
The panic: Dallas and I took a nap on one of his days off, and as soon as I woke up, I just knew something was wrong. I was completely and totally comfortable. My stomach didn't feel tight and my side didn't feel like it was full of extra elbows or kneecaps or skulls. It was TERRIFYING. Where was my baby? Why wasn't I pregnant anymore? Of course, as soon as I tried to sit up, I realized all was well. But how silly is that? I was comfortable, so I panicked. Awesome.
The belly: Oh, the belly. I suddenly have three new, deep stretch marks on my lower stomach, and they feel like streaks of bad sunburns--the tautness, the itchiness, the stinging. I didn't see that coming. Not the stretch marks, which I literally didn't see because I can't see the bottom of my stomach without doing some crazy contortions, and not the stinging. People leave that out. I swear they get worse every single day. I still put on the Palmer's lotion two or three times a day (as I have been doing the whole dang time, fat lot of good it's done) and they keep growing. My stomach is going to look AWFUL by the time this kid is ready to come out, but I'm trying not to think about it. Really, they're so wretchedly uncomfortable that I haven't much focused on the aesthetic problems they'll pose later. That'll come, I'm sure.
So...let me tell you about our experience at the birthing class. It was about breathing and relaxation for natural childbirth, so I thought it would be a good starting place. I also thought every first time mom went to these things, but apparently that is just not so, and I can see why. I left the class more confused, more concerned, and more anxious about the birth process and Dallas left being irritated that he'd wasted two hours. I'm pretty sure none of those were the intended "learning outcomes". Perhaps if we had not read anything about birth the class would have been more helpful, but we had. We'd read, we'd talked to each other, and we'd run a few things by my doctor. The instructor nurse was certainly nice enough, and I don't mean to make it sound otherwise. It's just...there was so much contradictory information. For example!
Everything she said about the bag of waters was wrong. It's NOT necessary to go to the hospital as soon as the water breaks, and it's NOT necessary to artificially rupture this membrane if you are checked into labor and delivery without your water breaking naturally. In fact, everything I've read suggests that staying at home for as long as possible after the water breaks reduces the risk of infection. Something about immunities to your own household germs. And the only reasons to rupture the membrane are to move labor along IF it stalls or to check the amniotic fluid for meconium IF the baby shows signs of distress. Again, Dallas and I have told my doctor that we will do whatever is medically necessary but would like to avoid every other procedure/medicine/whatever. (Get that pointy crocheting needle away from my baby's head!)
She also said that episiotomies were standard procedure. Again. They may be common, but they are not commonly NECESSARY. Everything I've read says that the *gulp* tearing that may occur naturally is often less severe and heals better than the incision. (Get those scissors away from my...!)
I can deal with the misinformation, but the breathing demonstrations were so disappointing. I can read about the theories behind breathing practices all day long, but I wanted someone to show me how it sounded and what it looked like so I understood what to do. She tried to show us, I guess, but it was all completely unclear. She demonstrated them, but I had no idea when she was exhaling and inhaling and she didn't walk around during practice time to observe us or give us pointers. And then there were these little charts that were supposed to show you how to breathe, too, but they mostly looked like the squiggles cartoon characters get over their heads when they're confused. Appropriate, but so not helpful.
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